Ninjas are better than Pirates, but Pirate-Ninjas aren't bad...

The most ninja-like of all pirates!


You Are A Highwayman!


What Type Of Swashbuckler Are You?
brought to you by Maddog Varuka & Dawg Brown


Highwaymen are the most ninja-like pirates (making them the best type of pirates) cause their clothes are always clean and snappy, they have good teeth and bathe regularly, their dashing romance usually includes romancing the girls instead of raping them, and they have the oddly ninja-like ability of riding out from the darkness and robbing their prey (kissing the heartstruck girl in the process) before disappearing once more into the shadows. Plus, they have the best poem ever written.

Mmmm...yeah, I'd "Stand and Deliver" for a highwayman any day.

Long live Alfred Noyes!

To be fair to Pirates

So, in an attempt to stretch my horizons, I was trying to think if there were any pirates that I could concede were "hawt", and of course the first (and only) candidate to spring swashbucklingly to mind was Wesley, The Dread Pirate Roberts...

...except that on reflection, I think a strong argument could be made for the possibility that Wesley was a ninja *disguised* as a pirate. Take a look at the following comparative list:


Pirates dress in bright colors
Ninjas dress in unrelieved black

Pirates taunt their foes with an open visage
Ninjas keep their faces covered in sexy masks

Pirates say "Arrrgh"
Ninjas do not say "Arrrgh"

Pirates wage their fights on the open main
Ninjas track thier foes across the land

Pirates swing on ropes to save the lady
Ninjas climb unscalable cliffs to do it

Pirates pretty much always just slash and gut their opponents
Ninjas sometimes use poison, cunning and guile

Pirates sometimes let captives go
Ninjas kill all who have seen them to protect their secrets

Pirates cleverly escape death
Ninjas die, but they cunningly come back to life

Pirates burst in to their lady's chamber with a laugh and a leer
Ninjas sneak in so quietly that no-one notices them, then stop their lady just before she commits sepuku with an appropriately witty comment

Pirates would kill the Prince and take his booty (as well as his boo-tay)
Ninjas would *pretend* to let him live while their lady was watching, then come back and quietly assassinate him later (that was the part of the movie you *didn't* see)

I think that it's pretty obvious that the coolest "pirate" around was actually a cleverly disguised ninja. He could have been a pirate if he'd wanted to, but who would want to be a pirate when they could be a ninja?

Go ninjas!