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Yesterday's was the first game that I walked away from in a long...a VERY long time, where I actually had fun and felt that it was a good game that I enjoyed.
It has been a very long time since I've unequivocally enjoyed Changeling. I've enjoyed parts of it, certain things, little interactions or implementation of stories, but for the most part I've felt put upon, frazzled, criticized, and unappreciated.
Basically, I've felt like the Changeling Game was ravaging me.
Because of the many levels on which I love this game, I kept trying to make a breakthrough (or multiple breakthroughs) so that I wouldn't feel this way anymore. I'm committed to telling this story (or at least, to playing the World's character in the stor(ies) being told). I love the people in the game, and I want to collaborate with them in the telling of these stories. I don't *want* to feel ravaged by the game. And I refuse to walk away. Good stories are never told by walking away from them, just as breakthroughs are never made by giving up on a problem (unless the breakthrough *is* the giving up of the problem, but in this case I don't believe that was so).
Yesterday, I think I made some of those breakthroughs.
I was much smoother and more organized in taking things over. Despite a series of pretty major upsets I managed to keep my cool. I got most of the major pre-game things done, and didn't let myself get upset over the little things that got dropped due to lack of time or player absence. When it became obvious that things were too busy for me to step out and play my planned NPC, I just dropped it. I was still running around everywhere and juggling twenty things at once, but I didn't let it disturb me when a few balls got dropped.
When people asked me about things that weren't pertinent to the game, I kept my cool and let them know that it was a bad time, but that they should e-mail me. When people wanted to do time-consuming questions or scenes, I was able to either gently pass them off to another ST, or gently let them know that they were asking more than I could realistically provide at the moment, and that they should pursue their questions as BGA's. When I got stuck in a situation where I was really the only one able and available to run two very important scenes, ancientwisdom took up the slack and I managed to not feel guilty or like a failure.
I think drake_rocket and I were able to make a good breakthrough, which makes me very happy. He is a great player and a great person, and whenever he comes to me with a concern it is usually a very valid one, but when I am stressed out I tend to react very negatively to certain tones and approaches and I tend to respond with more vitriol than they deserve. When he came to me with a valid concern and I started to get snippy with him. I realized that it wasn't that his concern was invalid, but that I was reacting to his tone. When I pointed this out to him, he immediately saw my point and we were able to come to a much friendlier accord. This was one of my happiest breakthroughs (and many thanks to him for making it so easy!)
For the most part, I have heard only positive reactions to the game. As always, I'm only personally aware of about 5% of the stuff that took place at the game, but I've heard good stories from other people. While I'm always happy to know that people have had a good time at the game, what was fun for me about this game was that I saw people approaching the various conflicts of the game as challenges and opportunities, rather than as attacks or setbacks. I saw a lot of pro-active stuff in the players' interactions with our "World Character", and it made me so very happy.
Oddly, I didn't nom anyone yesterday. I think it is because I usually nom people because they were a single bright spot in an otherwise trying day. Yesterday was all bright.
So thank you all, and my apologies for being snippy or short with you. I know that you appreciate me, and that you care whether or not I'm having fun, and that you aren't really all that demanding...(well, okay, you are, but I should take that demand as a compliment and let you know when it's too much, rather than flipping out on you for no apparent reason).
And thank you for letting me ramble about my breakthroughs when you'd really rather I got to your overdue BGA's ;>
It has been a very long time since I've unequivocally enjoyed Changeling. I've enjoyed parts of it, certain things, little interactions or implementation of stories, but for the most part I've felt put upon, frazzled, criticized, and unappreciated.
Basically, I've felt like the Changeling Game was ravaging me.
Because of the many levels on which I love this game, I kept trying to make a breakthrough (or multiple breakthroughs) so that I wouldn't feel this way anymore. I'm committed to telling this story (or at least, to playing the World's character in the stor(ies) being told). I love the people in the game, and I want to collaborate with them in the telling of these stories. I don't *want* to feel ravaged by the game. And I refuse to walk away. Good stories are never told by walking away from them, just as breakthroughs are never made by giving up on a problem (unless the breakthrough *is* the giving up of the problem, but in this case I don't believe that was so).
Yesterday, I think I made some of those breakthroughs.
I was much smoother and more organized in taking things over. Despite a series of pretty major upsets I managed to keep my cool. I got most of the major pre-game things done, and didn't let myself get upset over the little things that got dropped due to lack of time or player absence. When it became obvious that things were too busy for me to step out and play my planned NPC, I just dropped it. I was still running around everywhere and juggling twenty things at once, but I didn't let it disturb me when a few balls got dropped.
When people asked me about things that weren't pertinent to the game, I kept my cool and let them know that it was a bad time, but that they should e-mail me. When people wanted to do time-consuming questions or scenes, I was able to either gently pass them off to another ST, or gently let them know that they were asking more than I could realistically provide at the moment, and that they should pursue their questions as BGA's. When I got stuck in a situation where I was really the only one able and available to run two very important scenes, ancientwisdom took up the slack and I managed to not feel guilty or like a failure.
I think drake_rocket and I were able to make a good breakthrough, which makes me very happy. He is a great player and a great person, and whenever he comes to me with a concern it is usually a very valid one, but when I am stressed out I tend to react very negatively to certain tones and approaches and I tend to respond with more vitriol than they deserve. When he came to me with a valid concern and I started to get snippy with him. I realized that it wasn't that his concern was invalid, but that I was reacting to his tone. When I pointed this out to him, he immediately saw my point and we were able to come to a much friendlier accord. This was one of my happiest breakthroughs (and many thanks to him for making it so easy!)
For the most part, I have heard only positive reactions to the game. As always, I'm only personally aware of about 5% of the stuff that took place at the game, but I've heard good stories from other people. While I'm always happy to know that people have had a good time at the game, what was fun for me about this game was that I saw people approaching the various conflicts of the game as challenges and opportunities, rather than as attacks or setbacks. I saw a lot of pro-active stuff in the players' interactions with our "World Character", and it made me so very happy.
Oddly, I didn't nom anyone yesterday. I think it is because I usually nom people because they were a single bright spot in an otherwise trying day. Yesterday was all bright.
So thank you all, and my apologies for being snippy or short with you. I know that you appreciate me, and that you care whether or not I'm having fun, and that you aren't really all that demanding...(well, okay, you are, but I should take that demand as a compliment and let you know when it's too much, rather than flipping out on you for no apparent reason).
And thank you for letting me ramble about my breakthroughs when you'd really rather I got to your overdue BGA's ;>
