To be fair to Pirates

[teleidoplex]

So, in an attempt to stretch my horizons, I was trying to think if there were any pirates that I could concede were "hawt", and of course the first (and only) candidate to spring swashbucklingly to mind was Wesley, The Dread Pirate Roberts...

...except that on reflection, I think a strong argument could be made for the possibility that Wesley was a ninja *disguised* as a pirate. Take a look at the following comparative list:


Pirates dress in bright colors
Ninjas dress in unrelieved black

Pirates taunt their foes with an open visage
Ninjas keep their faces covered in sexy masks

Pirates say "Arrrgh"
Ninjas do not say "Arrrgh"

Pirates wage their fights on the open main
Ninjas track thier foes across the land

Pirates swing on ropes to save the lady
Ninjas climb unscalable cliffs to do it

Pirates pretty much always just slash and gut their opponents
Ninjas sometimes use poison, cunning and guile

Pirates sometimes let captives go
Ninjas kill all who have seen them to protect their secrets

Pirates cleverly escape death
Ninjas die, but they cunningly come back to life

Pirates burst in to their lady's chamber with a laugh and a leer
Ninjas sneak in so quietly that no-one notices them, then stop their lady just before she commits sepuku with an appropriately witty comment

Pirates would kill the Prince and take his booty (as well as his boo-tay)
Ninjas would *pretend* to let him live while their lady was watching, then come back and quietly assassinate him later (that was the part of the movie you *didn't* see)

I think that it's pretty obvious that the coolest "pirate" around was actually a cleverly disguised ninja. He could have been a pirate if he'd wanted to, but who would want to be a pirate when they could be a ninja?

Go ninjas!

Comments

[bneuensc.livejournal.com]

I must applaud your logic and support it wholeheartedly. *^_^*

[bneuensc.livejournal.com]

.... with one exception. Although the name's usually spelled Wesley, in this particular case it's actually Westley.


--Bryn, resident Princess Bride Uber-Geek

[coyotewatches.livejournal.com]

Alright... fair enough...
Must be the reason that I never liked that swoopy smarmy blighter.


BUT, I have to ask because I do not know. How many pirate movies have you seen? Have you seen all the classics? The Sea Hawk? The Black Swan? I'm assuming you have but just curious...

[teleidoplex]

Having a geekly childhood love for Golden Age Hollywood, I actually have seen many of the classics, including that marvelous musical extraveganza The Pirate, starring Gene Kelley and Judy Garland (one of the Duke's favorites, I believe). I can even tell everyone that the ubiquitous pirate accent (arrrr, et. al.) is due entirely to Robert Newton's portrayal of Long John Silver, Blackbeard Edmund Teach, and other piratical charachters in the 50's. He developed the accent from the speech in his native Cornwall.

Now, these classics fall into two categories. There are the lusty, murdering drunken men who sail the main looking for booty and boo-tay. The men who say "arr" and "avast ye, ye scurvy scum", the progenitors of many of the pirates in Pirates of the Carribean (both the ride and the movie). These are the pirates I gather most people are referring to.

Then there are the wonderful (though often a little femme) pre-Newton bucklers of swash such as Tyrone Powers, Errol Flynn, Burt Lancaster, et. al. These "pirates" are clean-shaven, erudite, tight-wearing, often misunderstood heroes rather than scurvy scum, and more prone to swash buckles than to buckle swashes. I have to admit that when people talk about loving pirates and pirates being cooler than ninjas, I don't picture these fellas, cause I don't think that these pirates are the pirates being referred to. I do like them and think they're fun (though still not as cool as ninjas). Gene Kelley is by far the best of them, but that's just cause Gene Kelley was the coolest and sexiest man of his time.

[coyotewatches.livejournal.com]

Yes.. and he was a pirate. Gene Kelly never performed in any ninja flicks that I can think of...

I applaud your stellar knowledge of pirates. This is the one reason why I have not sent my fleet of scurvy dogs to your side of the big water to sink your supposed "Secret Ninja Hideout." Because you are so well educated in all that is cinematic pirates and privateers, when the time comes, you shall not be killed, merely ransomed.

--Captain Blackstrap McGee--

[teleidoplex]

If you think that Mr. Kelley was in any way piratical in that movie, then you've never seen the movie.

He did some good dancing, though!

[coyotewatches.livejournal.com]

'Dere is such a thing as dancin' pirates, lass.

'ere... watch this!!!!

*tappity tappity tappity.... slide... tappity tappity*

See, Dancin' pirates.

And yes... He was a pirate... just a foofy one.

Arrrhhhh

[gollumgollum.livejournal.com]

to quote Kevin, however:

Pirates take you out to dinner
Ninjas take you out AT dinner

...and that, to me, is the most important distinction. ;)

[ninja-turbo.livejournal.com]

I always knew there was a reason I identified so closely with Westley in that movie. Of course, he's a ninja!

Thank you for shedding light on the situation.

Ninja forever!

[coyotewatches.livejournal.com]

Ya'll need a stem to stern raking!!!!


aRrrhhh...