Life Changes and Growing Pains
Apr. 26th, 2004 03:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
teleidoplexWhew. So, a whole bunch of changes and opportunities and decisions and setbacks going on right now. I haven't been posting about any of this because for the last week or so it has been like the tumbling of things falling into place in such a way that I never would have predicted two weeks ago.
Where to even start? They're all inter-related issues (because it's life, and life is like that), but going along a chronometric line of flight doesn't seem a right way of organizing it to create the understanding for myself and others that I need to create. I could start at the conclusions and backtrack, but that has all the drama of shock that feels like it robs the events of the substance that led to the conclusions. I could ramble on mysteriously as I am right now, but I'm certain that's just annoying to anyone who has made it this far.
I suppose I'll start with the phone call this afternoon, because it is the most immediate catalyst to writing this entry.
So, I have a job for the Fall. It's not funding from I.U., but it is a teaching position, which is great in terms of getting classroom experience. I'll be teaching two classes, Introduction to Anthropology and Peoples of Latin America, at the University of Southern Indiana (a smaller state college about on the level of the California State system rather than the University of California system, for those of you who know what these two systems are). This means that I will have about a two-hour commute to and from the campus on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but it also means that I will have Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays totally free to work on my Exams. Finally, because USI's only on-staff anthropologist is retiring in the Spring, it means that I will be able to come back in the Spring, and have my pick of courses and times. I may also be able to pitch my own course if I so choose. This is good, as I may no longer be at IU in the Spring.
The plot thickens.
So, why am I getting a job outside of IU? Why am I gung-ho-ing my exam process? Why might I no longer be a student at IU in the spring? Unfortunately, I have recently discovered that contrary to what I was told when I first came to IU, I cannot realistically depend on my department to give me funding or to offer me the teaching opportunities I need to be competitive in an academic market. I have learned that the department has only 17 total AI-ships to grant to graduate students. This year alone they accepted 21 new students to the program, and last year they accepted about the same. This means that every year there are anywhere from 60-80 people competing for 17 positions. Add to this the fact that people who come in with "promises" or other types of extra-departmental funding are guaranteed these positions first, and what you end up with is a department that literally has no positions available for people who didn't come in with guaranteed funding, even though we were told that there would be competitive positions available.
Do I sound a little angry? I am. And the more I think about it, really, the angrier I become.
I could continue to be angry about this. I could continue to beat my head against the no-funding wall of the department, but it just so happens that serendipity is my friend. As my brother would point out, I lead a charmed life. I had almost forgotten that...
So, in this case my charmed life reared its head as an anonymous nomination to attend a very prestigious three week seminar in Ireland sponsored by the Keough Institute of Notre Dame University. I received the nomination over a month ago, but had decided that I couldn't go to the Institute because it overlapped my brother's wedding, which I really can't miss (being a bridesmaid and all!). Well, as it turns out, I got accepted to the institute even though I didn't turn in all my application materials (??!! That *never* happens!!!), and I got a $2000 fellowship to help defer costs.
Uh. Wow.
So, I listened to ancientwisdom's advise instead of my own instincts, and I called my mom and I told her the what of it all, and she agreed that yes, I definitely needed to go to Ireland for this seminar, and that we would work something out in terms of the wedding and everything. Then there was some keystone cop-style phone-tag with bugsysiegel (the Bride), who has been wonderful and understanding about everything, including the fact that I will have to miss the rehearsal (she says that she has faith in my ability to manage to walk down an aisle in time to music). I cannot say how much I appreciate my family and my soon-to-be family. They are the bomb-diggity.
So, what does this have to do with IU and the funding issue? Well, I quickly came to the realization that I will be rubbing shoulders and having the chance to impress most of the top folks in Irish Studies from around the U.S. and Ireland at this seminar, including pretty much the entire department from Notre Dame. And it came to me that if I terminated at my Masters at IU (that is, if I just got my masters and said thpttt to the PhD program), I could apply to other PhD programs at not-too-far-away schools, and maybe get some decent funding in a decent program somewhere else. I could get back to enjoying my work instead of always feeling like I just wasn't good enough to get a position in my department, and scrabbling to figure out some other way to support my habit--er, schooling.
I've since been looking around, and both Notre Dame and the University of Chicago have potentially good programs with people that I'd love to work with and better funding coverage for their graduate students. I'm going to keep looking so that I can have as broad a range as possible.
Of course, all of this is predicated on me finishing my Masters this fall, which means I have to finish my second language. My second (or field language) has been a problem, since I really would want to do a celtic language, but I have to take it from an acceptable and accredited sources, and nobody at IU teaches any of the celtic languages. Onto my melodramatic stage hops yet another brilliantly timed opportunity. The College University of New York has recently started teaching gaelic online during the summers, and my advisors have said that this will be an acceptable solution.
So, it seems like everything is falling into place. I still have to figure out funding for all of this stuff, and I may have to sell my soul to Glenn Black for the summer, but that's a price I'm willing to pay. Obviously, there will be another up-in-the-air period next year, as I wait to hear from the other schools I will be applying to, but my faith in my charmed life has been restored. I'll be able to do what I need to do in the summer, and I'll be able to do what I need to do next fall and spring. I'll have employment that will not only support me, but give me valuable classroom experience, and I'll be able to make good connections with people who are really cool and inspiring.
So, a bit of a dust-up, and my path is definitely not what I thought it would be, but I think in the long-run it will be better.
The fae would seem to agree:
On work -- The Green Woman
The Green Woman speaks to us of caring for our growing ground and of the physical satisfaction of being our natural selves and practicing our own innate magic. This is a time for enhancing the growth of our talents and abilities, a time of blossoming that will bear fruit. It may also be a time of growing maturity and self-confidence. Experience trusting yourself and trusting the process of growth. She also reminds us of material reward ahead, the harvest of the seeds we have planted and nurtured. She counsels boldness and perseverance in the face of adversity, yet she also reminds us that sometimes the only action we can take is to wait patiently and keep growing.
On school -- The Guardian at the Gate (didn't I just get done with this guy?)
Drawing this card indicates that a passage is being made, the beginning of something new in our lives. It speaks of new opportunities and new openings. Passing through this gate may lead to a physical journey, a mental or an emotional one, or a journey of the spirit. It always leads to adventure. This gateway will also lead to significant change in our lives. The passage through such a gate changes us. The gate we face may not seem like much, the decision to enter may not seem to be a matter of great moment, but the presence of the Guardian at the Gate tells us that something important is happening. It indicates that going forward through that gate is no small thing, but something to be approached with awareness and prayerfulness. We are embarking on a new phase of our lives and there will be no going back once this gate has been passed. That is the kind of transition the Guardian at the Gate leads us to--always to irrevocable change. We may, of course, ask the Guardian at the Gate for guidance and protection on our journey--and we would be wise to do so. Alternatively, the presence of the Gatekeeper in a reading may indicate that the querent is being asked to help open a gate for someone else, to help provide an opportunity for them. The job of a Gatekeeper (or gatekeeper's assistant) is merely to open the gate, not to push people through it .
On life -- Gloominous Doom (who was nice enough to remind me about my charmed life)
It is time to face the fact that our attitudes and beliefs about ourselves are our own. We may have learned them from others, but the others are not responsible for them in the here and now. We are. If we choose self-pity and pessimism, we make a choice that makes our lives worse. When this card appears in a reading it indicates that this is a time that is especially important--a time when there is some sort of a crunch in the situation that offers someone the opportunity to notice and change such self-destructive habits. If it is yourself, you know what you need to do. If it is someone else, you may wish to consider how you might support them in this opportunity for change. Can you make sure to give positive feedback at every appropriate opportunity? Can you refrain from nagging, scolding, or complaining at them when they get it wrong? These things help.
Where to even start? They're all inter-related issues (because it's life, and life is like that), but going along a chronometric line of flight doesn't seem a right way of organizing it to create the understanding for myself and others that I need to create. I could start at the conclusions and backtrack, but that has all the drama of shock that feels like it robs the events of the substance that led to the conclusions. I could ramble on mysteriously as I am right now, but I'm certain that's just annoying to anyone who has made it this far.
I suppose I'll start with the phone call this afternoon, because it is the most immediate catalyst to writing this entry.
So, I have a job for the Fall. It's not funding from I.U., but it is a teaching position, which is great in terms of getting classroom experience. I'll be teaching two classes, Introduction to Anthropology and Peoples of Latin America, at the University of Southern Indiana (a smaller state college about on the level of the California State system rather than the University of California system, for those of you who know what these two systems are). This means that I will have about a two-hour commute to and from the campus on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but it also means that I will have Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays totally free to work on my Exams. Finally, because USI's only on-staff anthropologist is retiring in the Spring, it means that I will be able to come back in the Spring, and have my pick of courses and times. I may also be able to pitch my own course if I so choose. This is good, as I may no longer be at IU in the Spring.
The plot thickens.
So, why am I getting a job outside of IU? Why am I gung-ho-ing my exam process? Why might I no longer be a student at IU in the spring? Unfortunately, I have recently discovered that contrary to what I was told when I first came to IU, I cannot realistically depend on my department to give me funding or to offer me the teaching opportunities I need to be competitive in an academic market. I have learned that the department has only 17 total AI-ships to grant to graduate students. This year alone they accepted 21 new students to the program, and last year they accepted about the same. This means that every year there are anywhere from 60-80 people competing for 17 positions. Add to this the fact that people who come in with "promises" or other types of extra-departmental funding are guaranteed these positions first, and what you end up with is a department that literally has no positions available for people who didn't come in with guaranteed funding, even though we were told that there would be competitive positions available.
Do I sound a little angry? I am. And the more I think about it, really, the angrier I become.
I could continue to be angry about this. I could continue to beat my head against the no-funding wall of the department, but it just so happens that serendipity is my friend. As my brother would point out, I lead a charmed life. I had almost forgotten that...
So, in this case my charmed life reared its head as an anonymous nomination to attend a very prestigious three week seminar in Ireland sponsored by the Keough Institute of Notre Dame University. I received the nomination over a month ago, but had decided that I couldn't go to the Institute because it overlapped my brother's wedding, which I really can't miss (being a bridesmaid and all!). Well, as it turns out, I got accepted to the institute even though I didn't turn in all my application materials (??!! That *never* happens!!!), and I got a $2000 fellowship to help defer costs.
Uh. Wow.
So, I listened to ancientwisdom's advise instead of my own instincts, and I called my mom and I told her the what of it all, and she agreed that yes, I definitely needed to go to Ireland for this seminar, and that we would work something out in terms of the wedding and everything. Then there was some keystone cop-style phone-tag with bugsysiegel (the Bride), who has been wonderful and understanding about everything, including the fact that I will have to miss the rehearsal (she says that she has faith in my ability to manage to walk down an aisle in time to music). I cannot say how much I appreciate my family and my soon-to-be family. They are the bomb-diggity.
So, what does this have to do with IU and the funding issue? Well, I quickly came to the realization that I will be rubbing shoulders and having the chance to impress most of the top folks in Irish Studies from around the U.S. and Ireland at this seminar, including pretty much the entire department from Notre Dame. And it came to me that if I terminated at my Masters at IU (that is, if I just got my masters and said thpttt to the PhD program), I could apply to other PhD programs at not-too-far-away schools, and maybe get some decent funding in a decent program somewhere else. I could get back to enjoying my work instead of always feeling like I just wasn't good enough to get a position in my department, and scrabbling to figure out some other way to support my habit--er, schooling.
I've since been looking around, and both Notre Dame and the University of Chicago have potentially good programs with people that I'd love to work with and better funding coverage for their graduate students. I'm going to keep looking so that I can have as broad a range as possible.
Of course, all of this is predicated on me finishing my Masters this fall, which means I have to finish my second language. My second (or field language) has been a problem, since I really would want to do a celtic language, but I have to take it from an acceptable and accredited sources, and nobody at IU teaches any of the celtic languages. Onto my melodramatic stage hops yet another brilliantly timed opportunity. The College University of New York has recently started teaching gaelic online during the summers, and my advisors have said that this will be an acceptable solution.
So, it seems like everything is falling into place. I still have to figure out funding for all of this stuff, and I may have to sell my soul to Glenn Black for the summer, but that's a price I'm willing to pay. Obviously, there will be another up-in-the-air period next year, as I wait to hear from the other schools I will be applying to, but my faith in my charmed life has been restored. I'll be able to do what I need to do in the summer, and I'll be able to do what I need to do next fall and spring. I'll have employment that will not only support me, but give me valuable classroom experience, and I'll be able to make good connections with people who are really cool and inspiring.
So, a bit of a dust-up, and my path is definitely not what I thought it would be, but I think in the long-run it will be better.
The fae would seem to agree:
On work -- The Green Woman
The Green Woman speaks to us of caring for our growing ground and of the physical satisfaction of being our natural selves and practicing our own innate magic. This is a time for enhancing the growth of our talents and abilities, a time of blossoming that will bear fruit. It may also be a time of growing maturity and self-confidence. Experience trusting yourself and trusting the process of growth. She also reminds us of material reward ahead, the harvest of the seeds we have planted and nurtured. She counsels boldness and perseverance in the face of adversity, yet she also reminds us that sometimes the only action we can take is to wait patiently and keep growing.
On school -- The Guardian at the Gate (didn't I just get done with this guy?)
Drawing this card indicates that a passage is being made, the beginning of something new in our lives. It speaks of new opportunities and new openings. Passing through this gate may lead to a physical journey, a mental or an emotional one, or a journey of the spirit. It always leads to adventure. This gateway will also lead to significant change in our lives. The passage through such a gate changes us. The gate we face may not seem like much, the decision to enter may not seem to be a matter of great moment, but the presence of the Guardian at the Gate tells us that something important is happening. It indicates that going forward through that gate is no small thing, but something to be approached with awareness and prayerfulness. We are embarking on a new phase of our lives and there will be no going back once this gate has been passed. That is the kind of transition the Guardian at the Gate leads us to--always to irrevocable change. We may, of course, ask the Guardian at the Gate for guidance and protection on our journey--and we would be wise to do so. Alternatively, the presence of the Gatekeeper in a reading may indicate that the querent is being asked to help open a gate for someone else, to help provide an opportunity for them. The job of a Gatekeeper (or gatekeeper's assistant) is merely to open the gate, not to push people through it .
On life -- Gloominous Doom (who was nice enough to remind me about my charmed life)
It is time to face the fact that our attitudes and beliefs about ourselves are our own. We may have learned them from others, but the others are not responsible for them in the here and now. We are. If we choose self-pity and pessimism, we make a choice that makes our lives worse. When this card appears in a reading it indicates that this is a time that is especially important--a time when there is some sort of a crunch in the situation that offers someone the opportunity to notice and change such self-destructive habits. If it is yourself, you know what you need to do. If it is someone else, you may wish to consider how you might support them in this opportunity for change. Can you make sure to give positive feedback at every appropriate opportunity? Can you refrain from nagging, scolding, or complaining at them when they get it wrong? These things help.
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no subject
Date: 2004-04-26 01:52 pm (UTC)As far as getting that valuable teaching experience and how important it is to you, I totally understand. Lack of experience is what kept me out of grad school this year, the people at the programs said so.
no subject
Date: 2004-04-26 01:58 pm (UTC)it's easy to forget it when you live with it all the time.
sometimes takes a good fae swipe upside the head to remind one.
congrats!
Shedding skin isn't pretty... but you can't grow without it
Date: 2004-04-26 03:01 pm (UTC)Let me know if I can help in *any* way... even if ti's just helping pack, or put together good mix CD's for your long-ass trips to USI.
::hugs:: I couldn't be prouder (more proud?) of you... you're amazing!
Even Bridezilla can have her moments
Date: 2004-04-26 03:24 pm (UTC)I am glad you are thinking out new options, very brave. Zorrita tu tienes huevos grandes (little girl fox, you have big eggs (well not eggs, but exactly) )
See you on July 3rd and 4th, and remember to take a mild sleeping pill on the plane so you can get some rest.
and one more thing... Debe llamar tu hermano, porque el tiene informacion para ti (it's missing the accents, but if you figure it out then you can follow directions and you might pass go)
S.
Re: Even Bridezilla can have her moments
Date: 2004-04-26 03:56 pm (UTC)And I cannot express how glad I am that you're being so wonderful and understanding.
Re: Even Bridezilla can have her moments
Date: 2004-04-26 04:09 pm (UTC)So happy to hear that ( or read it actually) cause I think that we will all have a good time getting really drunk or (not so really drunk, depending) and doing whatever else people do at these things.
Then we spend saturday sobering up, and saturday night possibly doing some girly beauty pampering kind of thing and then Sunday we (or rather I) get married...yeah!!!!
Its gonna be good!
Call me when you are off the phone
no subject
Date: 2004-04-26 03:37 pm (UTC)Congratulations!!
>>>So, a bit of a dust-up, and my path is definitely not what I thought it >>>would be, but I think in the long-run it will be better.
And this is why I think you're great! I wish more folks could take this attitude. Proud to call ya friend, friend.
no subject
Date: 2004-04-26 09:06 pm (UTC)On the language requirement thang....
Date: 2004-05-01 07:59 am (UTC)